Beyond Words

Something core-shaking happened to me last week. But before I go into what it was, I feel like you might want some background info…

If I’m being completely honest (which I always try to be), I’d been stalling for months on going deeper into some healing that I knew I needed. I wasn’t technically spiritually bypassing it – I knew it was there – but I couldn’t put my finger on what exactly it was that needed to be done. Unsurprisingly, that ‘something’ wasn’t the stalling and avoidance tactics I’d been employing so gracefully.

I can’t (and don’t) blame myself for it. Healing is hard work. It’s scary, and exhausting, and really uncomfortable. Sometimes we’re just not ready, or feeling strong enough to dive in. And that’s ok.

But there comes a time when we need to recognise that if we want things to be different, we have to do things differently – even if we are terrified. Because we are brave, not fearless. We have to put our brave-girl pants on, and face the scary thing. Even if our knees are knocking!

Recently, I was speaking in a mastermind about my unidentifiable blocks, and it was suggested to me that I consider trying breathwork, and immediately something inside me recoiled just a little. And even though I didn’t even really know exactly what breathwork was (the unknown is scary, and probably why I recoiled, right?), I knew that if she was suggesting it, I owed it to myself and to my healing to step into the space of doing something different – even if it was a little scary.

Fast-forward to last week in Ubud, I saw a sign for “The Ark” retreat centre a mere 100 metres from our accommodation. It was the physical and metaphoric sign I’d been waiting for!

So in the middle of a beautiful open-air, polished teak platform, I met with a beautiful soul who carried an energy so calm it just floated in the air around her. She instantly embraced me, and I immediately felt safe enough to move forward. (Massive love to you, Tammy)

I can’t really express what happened in words – which I realise is pretty useless considering I’m basing a whole blog around it! But the effect that connecting to my breath in that way generated within me, unleashed and released emotion that couldn’t be honoured fairly with words.

My thoughts actually stopped (and if you know me, that NEVER happens). I was in the space of only feeling. And boy, did I FEEL it. I felt all sorts of sensations in my body (including intense tingles in my earlobes, lol). Years of grief and pain and sadness poured out, but for once with no thoughts attached. Just energy in motion (e-motion).

It was clearly something I had needed to do, but had never afforded myself the time nor space to venture into that world. And it gave me a new experience of reaffirming just how important somatic healing is, as well as all the cognitive stuff.

Many of you will know I love Embodied Processing (EP) for the fact it deals with our emotions, the felt sense of what is happening in our bodies, however I see it with myself and clients, that thoughts can sometimes get in the way, and for over-thinkers and those of us that run an excellent hypervigilance game, that there’s so much more that can be hiding underneath all the words.

I can’t tell you exactly what shifted on that beautiful, polished teak wood floor. But I CAN tell you that it was something important, and I know that I will be respecting the wisdom that lives beneath even more than before. And seeking out more breathwork, of course!

Sending you all massive love!

N. x

PS – I still love facilitating EP, so if you want to experience it for yourself to discover the stuff underneath with the help of words, you know where to find me. xx